juliagladys (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} juliagladys) wrote,@ 2007-11-25 12:06:00 |
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I cry on holidays
I cry on holidays. This is not something I that has started recently. I remember distinctly as a preteen, post Christmas present opening, I would go to my room and bawl, not because I didn't get what I wanted, but because I was that person that was upset because I was upset that I didn't get what I wanted or that I didn't want what I got. I was hard on myself for being self-centered enough to let something like a sweater upset me. Think of all those with out, I'd tell myself. Or why are you acting so spoiled.
But now, I've traveled. I've lived abroad. I know how much I personally need to get by or survive and honestly feel that I want to keep my life simple. So why am I crying today on Thanksgiving? I'm crying because I've realized that my family is not really in tune to what I feel important. Suddenly I’ve been pulled from my world of simplifying life, focusing completely on self improvement, and reintroduced into what America tells American are pressing issues: being the first in line at the post-Thanksgiving day sales, whether all the guests have a “real” wine glass, ridiculous things that (for me) don’t matter at all. How can everyone be caught up in all that hype? Can’t people see that it is just marketing? It is just companies telling individuals that this or that is important just so they can sell it.
I had different expectations for my Thanksgiving. I thought it was going to be more of a family bonding, like those of my childhood, than an extension of consumerism. I thought we could block out all the advertisements and media, but instead a place, with “real” wine glasses, was set at the table for them.
These issues are ones that I have most likely overlooked in the past, but they really bothered me this year because 1) I had just returned from Mali, and 2) I was really sad that I no longer have any grandparents. Maybe in the past, I was focusing on my family more because the hub was there. We would come together for my grandfather. I am disappointed that the bond within that side of my family died with my grandfather. My father did not even call either of his siblings to tell them he was coming to Denver. I don’t understand that.
In Mali there is no term for cousins. Extended family falls under your brother or sister, this even extends to neighbors. Aunts are mothers, uncles are fathers.
I’d like to see more cohesion within my family like that. But I realized that my priorities are different, due to my time in Mali, I am able to label what exactly they are. And because my family doesn’t share these priorities, because my aunt is busy putting pre-made pies in the oven according to her schedule, because I feel estranged, because my grandfather isn’t around to bring us together, I cried on Thanksgiving.
I cry on holidays. This is not something I that has started recently. I remember distinctly as a preteen, post Christmas present opening, I would go to my room and bawl, not because I didn't get what I wanted, but because I was that person that was upset because I was upset that I didn't get what I wanted or that I didn't want what I got. I was hard on myself for being self-centered enough to let something like a sweater upset me. Think of all those with out, I'd tell myself. Or why are you acting so spoiled.
But now, I've traveled. I've lived abroad. I know how much I personally need to get by or survive and honestly feel that I want to keep my life simple. So why am I crying today on Thanksgiving? I'm crying because I've realized that my family is not really in tune to what I feel important. Suddenly I’ve been pulled from my world of simplifying life, focusing completely on self improvement, and reintroduced into what America tells American are pressing issues: being the first in line at the post-Thanksgiving day sales, whether all the guests have a “real” wine glass, ridiculous things that (for me) don’t matter at all. How can everyone be caught up in all that hype? Can’t people see that it is just marketing? It is just companies telling individuals that this or that is important just so they can sell it.
I had different expectations for my Thanksgiving. I thought it was going to be more of a family bonding, like those of my childhood, than an extension of consumerism. I thought we could block out all the advertisements and media, but instead a place, with “real” wine glasses, was set at the table for them.
These issues are ones that I have most likely overlooked in the past, but they really bothered me this year because 1) I had just returned from Mali, and 2) I was really sad that I no longer have any grandparents. Maybe in the past, I was focusing on my family more because the hub was there. We would come together for my grandfather. I am disappointed that the bond within that side of my family died with my grandfather. My father did not even call either of his siblings to tell them he was coming to Denver. I don’t understand that.
In Mali there is no term for cousins. Extended family falls under your brother or sister, this even extends to neighbors. Aunts are mothers, uncles are fathers.
I’d like to see more cohesion within my family like that. But I realized that my priorities are different, due to my time in Mali, I am able to label what exactly they are. And because my family doesn’t share these priorities, because my aunt is busy putting pre-made pies in the oven according to her schedule, because I feel estranged, because my grandfather isn’t around to bring us together, I cried on Thanksgiving.
